The past couple of weeks have found me with some much needed time away from social media. I’ve taken short breaks in the past, but this was almost a total separation. I debated for a few days over whether or not I wanted to delete all of my social media accounts and just be done with it. Instead, I gave myself some time to think about it and did some fun things like going to a baseball game and visiting my friend’s new baby. Those might not mean much to a regular person, but for a sick person who hasn’t had much fun in the past year, they were huge.
So… I’m now back in some ways, but not others. I’m posting here. I have used Twitter some, but only to update an account I help run (not my personal account.) I’ve popped up in some other places.
Social media has really been equal parts blessing and curse since I got sick. I started out on a message board, which was good in some ways (basic information, not feeling alone) and terrible in others (bad advice and a whole lot of negativity.) After several months on that, I left IBD-related social media for a few years. I reappeared in late 2014, when I stumbled across a few IBD Twitter pages and the rest was history.
Most of my experiences on Twitter have been positive. I’ve made some lifelong friends and got involved with Girls With Guts. I never would have had the courage to go on a retreat across the country while flaring if I hadn’t already known some of the women. I’ve met several of the people I know from Twitter in real life, and one even came to visit me in the hospital. All of those experiences brought me a lot of happiness during a time when I wasn’t getting it from anywhere else.
Honestly, I think any time a bunch of sick people get together (whether online, through an in-person support group, etc), there is going to be conflict. It won’t be all the time, and it won’t be from everyone, but it will still be there. It’s hard to deal with drama at any time, but it’s harder when everyone involved is sick. Many of us only have each other to talk to about our diseases, whether because we choose not to share information with people in our everyday lives or because others are not available. Because of this, drama tends to get amplified. What might be brushed off as a minor slight to a healthy person can feel pretty major to us.
Keeping all of that in mind, I think it’s a good idea for me to pull back from chronic illness-related social media. Let’s face it: putting yourself out there to help others and repeatedly getting stomped on is not a good feeling for anyone. If that means no longer getting personally involved with others, well, that’s sad, but it might be necessary. “No good deed goes unpunished” has never felt so true.
I’m still here, is what I am trying to say. But maybe not in the ways that I used to be.