December 23rd will be the first anniversary of my ileostomy. This time last year, I was preparing for my surgery– having my last meal, driving to Philadelphia, choking down antibiotics and Miralax in a hotel room and telling myself I would never have to go through this again. Some people I know seem to remember everything about their hospital stay after surgery, but not me. I remember everything in flashes, sometimes coming back to me at the oddest times. Some things I don’t want to remember. Maybe that’s why I don’t.
It hasn’t been the easiest year. My proctectomy wound FINALLY seems to be closed, but I still have some pain and occasional issues. I ended up with blood clots in my lungs and will be on medication for life because of it. I feel much better than I did prior to the surgery, but I don’t ever expect to feel like I did before I got IBD. I know better now.
Looking back, am I happy I made the choice to have surgery? Absolutely. There was nothing else I could have done at that point. I’m also very pleased with my permanent ostomy. I’m still glad I didn’t let myself get talked into a J-pouch. They’re great for many people, but it just wasn’t something I wanted. One of the things I’m finally getting better at is standing up for myself and doing what I want. This was exactly what I wanted, and one year later, I know it was the right decision for me.
I’m happy to be home for Christmas this year. Happy to be able to eat almost everything I want. Happy to not have to swallow 20+ pills a day (I’m down to 5.) And happy I have so many wonderful friends in the IBD and chronic illness communities to share my happiness with.
Happy holidays, everyone!
–Sarah