You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
I was having a hard time yesterday. I feel that way most of the time, to some extent; I recently described it to my mom as feeling like I’m swimming through cement while everyone else walks past me. Yesterday, though, a combination of things just hit me at once. I had a meltdown and I didn’t know how to get out of it. So I turned to music, like I usually do. A familiar song came on.
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Three years ago, this song was very popular (and it still is– for good reason.) We sang it in church sometimes, and it was always on the radio. When I heard it last night, I was immediately taken back to three years ago. Could that be right? I looked it up. I was right. Three years ago today, I was baptized. On the ride home, this song came on.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now
I won’t get into the full story here, but I was raised Christian and never quite meshed with my family’s preferred denomination. I bounced around a little, attending a youth group in high school and a local church in college, but nothing really stuck. Finally, years later and ten hours from where I grew up, a friend brought me to church with her. It was exactly what I needed.
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
It’s been a hard three years. I’ve been sick for most of it, to varying degrees, some years (months, weeks, hours, minutes) worse than others. I don’t live near the church I was baptized in anymore. I haven’t been inside a church in what feels like a long time for me. It’s hard to belong anywhere when you are sick. But I tell myself– it isn’t about that. It’s about more than just belonging to a place. I may feel like I never belong anywhere, but I always belong with God. I just need a reminder sometimes.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
I don’t always know where my life is going to take me. The uncertainty of chronic illness will always be there, in the corners of my mind, reminding me that anything can happen. Remember what happened last time you tried? it says to me. Don’t make plans. You can’t trust. Anyone, anything– you can’t trust.
“But I can trust,” I say back. I can trust in Him, that He will be with me no matter what comes next. And I will trust.
I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine